Are “bad diabetes days” affecting your relationships?
Let me start by defining “bad diabetes day” as one in which your blood sugar levels are out of control. I think it is safe to say that most of us have experienced at least one day in which, no matter how much of a “good” person with diabetes we try to be, our numbers just don’t seem to cooperate. Let me clarify by saying that I don’t think there is a “right” or “wrong” way to be a person with diabetes and/or live a diabetic life. We embrace our circumstances in various ways. By being a “good” person with diabetes I am referring to the usual misconception many people seem to have about what being a “good” person with diabetes means.
Namely, one who counts carbs, exercises and takes their insulin whenever he/she is supposed to. Yes, all that is helpful, but it is not enough. I am referring, here, to the misleading mindset of “you can control what you eat, so you can control your numbers.” Counting carbs and taking insulin is not enough to “control” the numbers. That is not all it takes. Honestly, sometimes I feel there’s no real way to actually have full control of them. It is not as easy as some people think it is. Our numbers are not dependent merely on what we eat. Some days, no matter how hard we try, the world will just push us the other way. To feel desperate and helpless during these days is understandable, and it is fine to feel that way sometimes. What is not fine is to hide why we feel how we feel.
I say to hide “why we feel how we feel,” instead of merely hiding “how we feel” because sometimes it is almost impossible to hide the “how,” especially when our blood sugar levels are out of control. For a lot of us when this happens, that “how” is reflected in actions such as unexpected changes of mood, irrationality, constant distraction, lack of concentration, underperforming, or mere irritability for no apparent reason. Hiding the reason behind these behaviors by not being open about our diabetes, opens the door for others to misinterpret these actions.
I must now confess that I am guilty of hiding this. In many cases, my actions, or lack of them, have been misinterpreted. A lot of times, these misinterpretations make me feel that I am disappointing others. For example, not being able to concentrate when a friend is talking to me has come off as a lack of interest, underperforming on a school assignment/exam/presentation has come off as a lack of responsibility, being easily irritable in a night out has come off as a lack of enthusiasm. I cannot control other people’s interpretations of my actions any more or less than I can control these symptoms (yes, all that moodiness, irrationality, distraction and irritability are symptoms of out-of-control blood sugar). However, what I can do is help people understand a little bit better the “why” behind the “how” I sometimes feel and act the way I do.
The reason I am writing this is because I had a bad diabetes day today. As usual, I hid it, which led me to feel like I disappointed some friends, teachers and family members for different personal reasons, which were ultimately misinterpreted as a lack of interest/responsibility/enthusiasm. Although I would like people to know that my apparent lack of all of this is in part due to my high blood sugar levels and the frustration that comes with them, I had never used this as an excuse. My reaction has always been to give some other non-diabetes related explanation in (failed) attempts to excuse my actions. Something about blaming my moodiness or my underperformance on my blood sugar levels feels wrong to me. This is because I like to think that my numbers don’t affect how I feel/act but, in reality, they often times do. In my opinion, having high or low blood sugar levels will never be a good enough excuse, however, today I realized it may be a good enough reason.
It is a good enough reason only in the sense that it offers an explanation of why I am acting (or not acting) in a certain way. After being open for the first time today, I realized how important and helpful it is to talk about how my numbers affect my behavior. I can’t always control such behavior, but I can make communication easier with those I care about, with those I feel I disappoint with my number-driven actions. It is okay to seek understanding. It is okay to ask for support. We all react differently to our numbers. We all have different needs when it comes to the kind of understanding and support we want or need from others. Not being open about our diabetes hurts our relationships with other people in that it opens the door for a lot of misunderstanding. Instead of hiding or neglecting our diabetes and its effects on our behavior, we should be open to talking about them. We should be open to talking about how and why we feel and act the way we do during those bad Diabetes days in order to achieve understanding.
Read the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Guide to Caring for Someone with Type 1.
