How to Support Your Partner With Diabetes on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day brings to mind all of the stereotypical visions: flowers, chocolates and an avalanche of pink and red everything. But when your partner lives with diabetes, support and romance can look a little different. 

The most meaningful part of loving someone with diabetes can’t be found in a store; it is woven into everyday moments, small acts of kindness and being a steady presence and support to help them navigate life with a chronic illness that never clocks out

This year, instead of roses or dinner reservations, here’s where the real romance lives: how you can better support your partner in ways that are real, sustainable and full of love and compassion. 

Learn their diabetes love language 

Similar to the infamous love languages: physical touch, time together, gifts, words of affirmation and acts of kindness, people with diabetes have love languages all their own. Your partner has their own feelings about what’s overwhelming and what feels like true support. 

For some people, support means always carrying an extra low blood sugar snack while you’re out.  For others, it means knowing how to carb count on the fly or how to change an infusion site during an overnight pump failure. Some people might prefer encouragement through burnout, while others may need a partner who will help them rest. 

Not sure what your partner prefers? Ask them. And most importantly, listen to their answers.

Take part in small, daily rituals 

Diabetes can be extremely isolating: counting carbs, managing exercise, refilling prescriptions, juggling blood sugars and preventing highs and lows on the daily. 

One of the most loving things you can do to lighten the mental load is to share in the responsibility of living with diabetes. Pick up their prescriptions on your way home from work, offer to cook dinner and do the carb counts ahead of time. You can also follow their blood sugars remotely and check in on them if they’re experiencing a stubborn high or low. 

All of these small acts of kindness say, “I see you, and you’re not alone.” And sometimes that’s the most romantic gesture of all. 

Celebrate every tiny win

Diabetes “wins” can feel few and far between, so celebrating every little thing with your partner spells true support. 

Some everyday wins that you can celebrate together may include:

• Sticking the blood sugar landing after a big bolus for a sweet treat 
• Pre-bolusing for dinner just right 
• Catching a low before it becomes severe (under 55 mg/dL)
• Avoiding lows for a whole day or week
• Avoiding bruises and scar tissue when inserting a new pump site 

Diabetes doesn’t give out gold stars, so provide your partner with your own. A supportive partner notices all the work that happens behind the scenes: all the late nights, pre-planning, carb-counting and mental gymnastics it takes to live well with diabetes. 

Keep the focus on them

Is their blood sugar high and they’re opting out of your homemade dessert tonight? Not about you. Are they cranky from a lack of sleep because of a 2 a.m. pump change? Not about you. Do they want to skip the four-night backpacking trip because being in the wilderness without cell reception gives them diabetes stress? Not about you. Do they need someone to vent to about the impossibility of it all, and it ends up sounding like yelling? Not about you.

Remember that their diabetes isn’t about you. Part of being a loving partner is giving them your calmness, presence and support. 

Start with curiosity. Ask simple questions like “How can I support you?” or “Do you need to vent or would you like advice?”

Build a life that makes space for their diabetes

If you think your shared life is just between you and your partner, you’re wrong. You need to make space for their diabetes to not only exist, but to thrive—without shame. 

This looks like visible low snacks around the house, space in the fridge for insulin vials, medical alert bracelets in the drawer and prescriptions on the countertop. 

This can also look like having patience during overnight low alarms (and offering to get up and grab a low snack for them). 

You also have to have the patience to pause, whether it’s during a hike, dinner, movie or even a conversation, so your partner can go treat a low or troubleshoot a pump site. 

Don’t think of these interruptions as inconveniences. They are part of your shared life together with diabetes. 

Remember that your partner’s experience is the rhythm of everyday life, and having the patience and humor to get through each day together is one of the most romantic acts there is. 

Stay curious 

Medicine and diabetes technology are constantly evolving. Read articles, learn about the newest tech and become a diabetes aficionado alongside your partner.

Advocate with and for them at medical appointments. Cheer them on through the countless microdecisions they make each day. Remind them that they work to feel healthy, not just to get by. 

Diabetes doesn’t define them

This Valentine’s Day, remember: support is romantic, patience is romantic, presence is romantic.

As much time as diabetes takes up in a day, they are not their diagnosis. They are not a number on a page or measurable like an A1C. They are a human being living with a chronic condition. 

Loving them means embracing their whole picture, trusting their resilience, and reminding them that you’re here not out of obligation, but out of love and devotion. 

The most beautiful love stories aren’t just candlelit dinners. They’re partners walking hand-in-hand through the hard, messy, unpredictable, imperfect parts of life with diabetes, and still choosing each other time and time again.