8 Simple Rules For Building a Romantic Relationship With Someone With T1D

The longer you’ve been linked to someone with type 1 diabetes (T1D) romantically, the more you will go through your ups and downs, much like any other couple. T1D adds some interesting layers and complexities of its own, though, that no two people quite understand like a person with T1D and their non-T1D companion. 

While T1D can put stress on a relationship, it can also make the rewarding parts even richer if you let it. 

In this guide, we share tips for making it work as a couple when one of you has T1D and the other doesn’t. If you want to better support your partner with T1D, this one’s for you, crafted from real-life stories of those who’ve been through it too!

1. Make a basic effort to show up for them

When you’re newly dating someone with T1D, you may find yourself freaking out every time their continuous glucose monitor (CGM) beeps that they’re low or high. Seeing your romantic partner shake, sweat, down liters of water or just look plain miserable isn’t fun in the slightest. 

It may leave you feeling helpless. But listening without judgment and offering reassurance can provide emotional comfort, fostering empathy even if you can’t cure them.

Healthy romantic partners will always make an effort to help, even during rough patches—learning to recognize signs like sudden confusion, loss of consciousness, severe shakiness or signs of diabetes burnout can be lifesaving. You may not know what to do at first, but just asking them about it when you’re newly dating is the best place to start. It shows you care and that you see them.

Everyone wants to be seen.

2. Have “the diabetes talk” early in your relationship to build trust and appreciation

If you’re going to pursue a serious relationship, you should have “the diabetes talk.” This just means your partner with T1D takes the time to explain what it is (the basics) and how they manage it day-to-day (AKA how it looks for them personally). No two people manage T1D the same!

If you find that your romantic partner is struggling to bring it up, you can bring it up yourself. To make this easier, consider preparing some open-ended questions or statements like, “I want to understand your experience better,” or “Can we talk about how I can best support you with T1D?” Remember: how you say it matters. Find a time when you are both in a good mood and it feels natural to have a long, intimate discussion—dinner can be nice. 

To initiate “the diabetes talk,” you could say something like: “I really like you, and I want to support you as much as I can. Tell me how and when it’s helpful that I support you and when you would rather I just give you space and let you deal with it yourself.”

Letting this air out will give you a much better understanding of what you can do, your partner’s expectations of you and the boundaries they have around T1D right now. More plainly, it can also give you a clearer idea of their current comfort level with you and where you can grow in overall trust and understanding with each other.

It may even open the door for you to share some of your struggles, boundaries, or desires. Relationships are two-way streets, and they need to learn about you, too. This special time is called “building the foundation.” 

And here’s the part most couples don’t talk about enough: T1D can strengthen or break your bond—only the two of you get to decide how it influences your connection.

3. Don’t pursue a romantic relationship anymore if…

You find that you can’t give them what they need in this romantic relationship, whether directly because of T1D or because of its surrounding effects. If it’s influencing you in ways you can’t handle and you don’t see a light at the end of the onboarding tunnel, so to speak, speak up. 

Someone with T1D deserves basic respect, trust, and decency from a partner who cares and considers how life affects T1D and vice versa. They deserve more than the “kind-of, sort-of.” They deserve the whole package! No one deserves to settle romantically or to stay with someone who’s unsure of them for a prolonged period without a clue.

Likewise, you deserve a romantic relationship that feels like a good fit. If that’s not being in a relationship with someone with T1D, neither of you should take it personally. Value it as a time to learn who you are as people, what you want from a romantic relationship and what levels of depth or involvement you’re willing to explore.

The kindest thing you can do for a person is to be honest with them. Don’t waste their time (or yours)! Respect them enough to speak up if you’re feeling this way. You both deserve that. 

Don’t try to manufacture something that isn’t actually working or become the romantic partner who begrudgingly holds on and eventually says something foolish like: “Can we just pretend you don’t have it (tonight, this Christmas, this birthday, etc.)?” That’s big red flag energy! Huge.

4. As your relationship progresses, form “agreements” between you

If T1D isn’t a problem for you, keep building on that foundation. As your relationship grows and blossoms over time, your comfort and trust with one another should too. Some couples dealing with T1D recommend having “agreements” you can fall back on in the heat of the moment so arguments or misunderstandings don’t lead somewhere nasty.

For example, you may set “agreements” like:

• I can bring my partner sugar when they’re low, but after that they don’t want or need my help. They just want me to sit with them to make sure their sugar is back up.

• We can talk about food and meal-prepping, but I never comment on what they’re about to eat. If they’re eating cake, I never ask, “Should you eat that?” I trust that my partner knows what’s best for their body.
• My partner is okay with me sharing that they have diabetes in general. They don’t hide it, and they’re not ashamed of it. Neither am I!

“Agreements” vary by couple. You may figure this out naturally without having to say the words explicitly as you go, but communication is vital. Whatever that looks like for you, make sure you’re on the same page and keep talking about it over time. 

Your romantic partner’s needs may change during your relationship. Never assume how they felt at the beginning of your relationship is the same way they feel now, much like how they’ve grown with T1D over the years. Things are fluid.

5. Don’t manage your partner’s diabetes for them

You’re probably not with your romantic partner 24/7. That might drive both of you up the wall, but it’s okay if you want to know they’re okay while you’re apart, too. That’s the magic of CGM data sharing for many couples. It can help the person without diabetes stay in the know without hounding their partner. It’s also important to respect data-sharing boundaries. Some people may not feel comfortable sharing their numbers, and it can have nothing to do with you. 

It may stem from past trauma in relationships—romantic or platonic—from sharing. Let that come naturally, and don’t take it personally if it never does. Some people with T1D are pretty independent about their management. That’s not a remark on you. Let them feel how they feel. Respond with compassion. 

6. Support their healthy lifestyle, even if you have to make a few sacrifices

The absolute best way you can support your romantic partner is to be by their side all the way when it comes to eating healthy foods and working out alongside them. Just like the saying goes—”match their energy.” A healthy lifestyle is great for anyone, but it’s critical for people with diabetes (PWD). While it may require sacrifice from you, lifestyle should be flexed to prioritize the person with chronic illness whose body demands it.

That may mean making some changes yourself. Maybe less pizza. It’s not that you have to give up your favorite foods. The truth is, PWD eat how most people should anyway. They just have to be more mindful, considerate and serious about it because they see the immediate ramifications if they don’t. 

Whereas people without diabetes don’t see this until later in life, given no other health complications present. Respect that person’s boundaries around food, such as if that means they don’t want cake or cookies around the house all the time. Yes, they can have some in moderation, but they might not want to be tempted by foods that are hard to manage or send their sugars soaring.

Figure out what those are and how you can compromise or sacrifice where appropriate. This is a conversation you need to have together. Over time, you may find swaps you both enjoy and stop missing certain foods. 

You may also find activities you can bond over, like taking long walks after work together or to start your day. Those post-dinner walks are treasures for PWD and their romantic partners!

7. NEVER shame them or criticize how they manage their diabetes

If you try to be the diabetes police, your partner will get tired of listening to you very quickly.

Some days your partner simply won’t manage their diabetes. Get used to it. You’d get tired of it too if you lived with a condition that never allowed you any breaks, a retirement plan or an extended vacation. You also don’t manage your health perfectly every day. Remember that!

Yes, it can be extremely frustrating to see a person you care about do something that can harm them in the long term, but you don’t make it any better by giving them a lecture. You’re not their parent or their doctor. You’re their partner. You’re supposed to be their safety and comfort, not the little voice in their head that’s probably already shouting this at them very loudly without relief 24/7.

8. Remember they never get a break—they’re always “on” (and not in a fun way)

Living with diabetes is extremely frustrating sometimes, so there will be days where your partner’s attitude can best be summed up as: “Screw this. I will do whatever I like today.” 

You can try to encourage them to get back on track gently and set a good example, but never insinuate that they aren’t doing a good job managing their diabetes or that you could do better. Red flag, red flag, red flag. That’s not the path to a happy long-term partnership!

Instead, learn to recognize the days when your partner is just sick and tired of having diabetes and try to show some extra love on those days. That’s all you can do, and, honestly, it usually works. For example, diabetes can feel much less unmanageable for your partner when you are cuddled up together watching a movie.

Sometimes, they don’t need words. They need quiet that their mind never allows them—a mental break you can both welcome with open arms.

A romantic connection might feel like a stroll through a park, but living with diabetes is no walk through it. If you want to go above and beyond for your partner with T1D, jump into our Beyond Diagnosis guide, where we explain the ins and outs of management.